Signs of Substance Abuse: You Might not Be Seeing What's Really Going On

Hi All! How are things? Good, I hope. I hope you're getting ready to take a good look at what the past year has been and are trying to get ready for a great New Year, even if your child chooses not to seek treatment. You're worth it, and your child is grown. I know it, I feel the hesitation, too. It's like, yes, but why can't my child just do this one thing? I know it, I'm here. Right with you. But, I'm trying to stay strong, and determined. I'm trying to ensure that my child's addiction does not affect how much progress I make and how much joy I experience. I'm still in love with my daughter, but I have to make it a point to have my life and my happiness.

So, with that, today I want to talk about something that lots of people ask: what are the signs of substance abuse? Why are they so ambiguous and what am I missing? It's common to doubt yourself and your intuition, but that often means you're missing out on what your child is showing you.

How the Holidays Affected My Daughter's Addiction

Hi All!!!

So... How were the Holidays? Okay, before I start, I'm going to say that I do Christmas, but I know there are other important Holidays. I'm not oblivious to them, and I have the utmost respect for them, however, I don't know about all of them. So, when I refer to Christmas, please know that I know that you might not do Christmas, but that your Holidays are still important. Everyone's are. So, I hope that everyone who reads this feels as blessed as I do, and that everyone who reads this has had a wonderful, beautiful and healthy season.

Okay - so that's said. Now, I know I've been really quiet lately and I'm so sorry. In my last post, I talked about what it's really like when your child relapses. That was where I left it. The last few months have been really hard and stressful. I think I said that my daughter stayed with us while her boyfriend was in jail. Well, it's been a pretty rough run. She said she was staying clean - except for that relapse - but now I'm thinking she probably didn't. It sucks. I also found out that she cheated on her boyfriend. Great, right?

What It's Really Like When Your Kid Relapses

Hey, Everyone ~

Like that little squiggly thing? Haha - I thought it looked kind of pretty and different! Okay, so. What's happening today? How's things? How is everyone? How's the self-discovery and liberation from your child's addiction today? I hope each day gets better, but I get setbacks... Boy, do I ever.

Sidenote: do I sound like a person desperate to be asked the question, "What's wrong?" Okay, you caught me. 

So, I'll just get right to it, then. Last night, my daughter said that she had a ride home from work. Now, I'm already leery of her "rides." I mean, come on. Her only friends are all junkies or they sell to junkies. What's not to be afraid of, right? But, in an effort to have faith in my child and her recovery, I was like, "Okay..." Pretty much that's it. Okay. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and knew that things weren't sounding so great, but what can you do, you know? She's grown.

Okay, now keep in mind that I had just posted yesterday's topic. I went on and on about how my daughter is doing well and staying clean. Oh right. Yep - super jerk. But, see here's the thing, I didn't know anything when she called. Only that I was suspicious. I'm a mom, after all.

The day went on. I did what I do... Worked, cleaned, did some laundry, hung out, nursed my stuffy nose... You know normal Sunday stuff.

When my daughter came home - a half hour later than it takes me to get her home - and rushed right up the stairs to the room that is not hers, and didn't even say hi to me as I was cleaning the bathroom that she refuses to clean, I felt iffy. When my youngest took my granddaughter up to see my oldest daughter and looked up and to the left when she told me that she didn't know if her sister was okay, I felt wonky.

Getting to the Bottom of My Stress - Is My Daughter's Addiction Really the Cause?

Hi Everyone!

So, I know I promised, promised more regular posts last time, and I really, really meant to, but if I'm honest with myself, this week was just kind of - complicated. Not bemoaning most of it by any stretch, but the schedules have been in a bit of an upheaval lately and I've been left feeling exhausted, and more than a little frustrated.

I'm hoping all of you out there have had a better - and calmer - week than I have because the stress of chaotic weeks can really take a toll on us. And I really hope that your child's addiction isn't bringing you down or frustrating you too much. I know it's hard, especially when she is grown and you feel like you're always having to take care of everything for her - oh wait! That's me!! - but things will get better. I promise. I know. They have to.

This brings me to today's post, though. I have been so totally stressed out lately, and I'm not really sure why. I mean, in a very real sense, even though I've had extra running to do and haven't had a moment to myself, mostly things are good (except that my husband got rear ended one night on the way to pick my oldest up from work - yes! Work!! - and his beautiful truck needs to go into the shop for repairs, but it's okay. He's okay and the damage is minor...), so why am I so stressed?

My Child Says She's Getting Clean - Dare I Hope?

Hi All~

I hope you're all doing well. As always, I hope you're taking care of you and learning to cope with the negativity of your child's addiction. It's always a battle, it seems, and when life starts hitting a calm, it feels like things hit a fever pitch again. Exhausting is a word I often think of, emotional and burn-out are a few more.

Things in my world have been happening fast, so I think for the next few days, in an effort to share all of it without losing any of it, I'm going to try to post a lot. It's crazy, the way we lose all of the exact moments when we don't say anything about them for a while. I don't want to do that.

See, as I'm working on sharing all the effects of my grown child's addiction, I find that many of the issues I've had to deal with slip away. Simply, and I know you know what I mean, there have just been too many to count. There are too many issues. Too many problems.

So - here it is today - My daughter has been saying she's getting clean. Do I dare hope? Do I even dare to try and hold out for what may not happen? Do I cross the threshold into belief again and risk losing all of the progress I have made for myself? Here it is: her boyfriend/father of her child is in jail. I'm not sure for how long, but since she wanted to come back to stay with us, we - well actually my husband - laid down some ground rules. Like, that she had to get a job. And she had to be working on getting clean because we didn't have time to deal with all her addiction stuff. And that things had to be different this time.

Why Do I Need to Grieve My Child Who is Still Living?

Hi All!

How's living with an addicted grown child going? Yeah, it's been a little exhausting for me, too. I know in my last post, I talked about how the negativity of living with a grown addicted child can really affect your life. So, you all probably know where I'm at with my personal struggles. The good news is, I'm not alone. I have an amazing support group - and I've had some time to grieve the loss of the person I used to know. So, I want that to be my topic for today: Why do I need to grieve my child who is still living?

Oh, I hear it, and I know where you're at with this one because I hung out this way for quite a while. I remember thinking: what? Why? Well, here's the thing: your grown addicted child will never be the same. When she decides to get clean, she will be a different person than the one you used to know and love.

Part of the reason my daughter's addiction hurt me so personally

Okay, so here's the thing: if you're like me, your grown child's addiction hurts you for a couple of reasons. It's not that your kid is so much doing things you don't agree with, it's that your child, as you knew them, no longer seems to exist. See, for me, my daughter was my constant. I knew she would grow up and fall in love, but I didn't think that our relationship would suffer such a tremendous shift. 

Working Through the Negativity of Having an Adult Addicted Child - and Being Grateful Despite it

Hi All! 

I know it's been a while, and I apologize. Things have been happening, though. Not all bad, but not all good, either. I hope you're all hanging in there, and learning more about yourselves and coping with your grown child's addiction better and better each day.

I wanted to make this post about being grateful for the relationships you have, because last week, my youngest daughter's very good friend lost her dad. She has been friends with her since kindergarten, and, while he had been in the hospital since October 6 of this year, his death still hit us hard.

See, we know their family, and they're really good people. Always generous, kind and friendly. I don't think my oldest daughter's addiction ever prepared my youngest for the impact of a loss of this magnitude. To my youngest's credit, she's been a wonderful friend. 

Guess What World: I'm Not a Victim!

Hi to everyone reading this! I haven't posted in a while, and I can explain why: I'm taking control of my life. I'm doing more for me. I've decided that in my journey with my addicted daughter, I have to take care of my needs. I have to do more to ensure the security and success of myself and my husband and my youngest daughter than I have been... 

It's draining when your child battles an addiction, I know. It's tiring that everything you ever talk about to do with your child turns into something negative. It's a heavy burden to carry when you feel like you're swimming against the current in maintaining hope that your grown addicted child will finally be okay. I know. It's exhausting, disheartening, and downright heartbreaking. 

My Personality Flaws have Affected My Relationship With my Daughter

Hi Again!

I feel like I should attach a smiley face to these because it always feels a little like getting together with friends. Friends who get me... Friends who know just what I'm going through because they're going through it too. Unfortunately, I'm only hearing myself talk, which is a little weird, but I'm hoping that you feel like it's a conversation. I imagine the things that all of you would say. At least, I hope I do.

You know what I see? Moms, dads, uncles, aunts and maybe grandparents. I see people who put on a brave face day after day because life really must go on. I see panicked, tired eyes. I see pale faces or pink moons on the cheeks that suggest a heightened sense of anxiety. I see red ears, too. I see barely contained rage, and hurt, sadness hidden by smiles... I see many different versions of myself. I see, beneath it all, undying love for these addicted children. I see a blind faith in the ability of our kids to get clean and live happy lives. I. See. Hope.

Why Can't You Feel Anything About Your Child's Addiction When You Really Need to?

Hi All~

Hopefully, you're getting a little bit better at coping with your child's addiction every single day. I know it's a struggle, I'm there, too. But, with a little bit of time to come to terms with things and some personal attention, I truly believe that no matter what my child chooses to do with her situation, I will be able to live a happy, healthy and truly wonderful life.

Now, I'm not going to say I won't still hurt. I'm not going to pretend that I don't miss that kid who played DJ whenever we would drive somewhere. I'm not going to tell you that I'm okay running errands by myself when I used to have a constant companion. I mean, it's been years, but sometimes I look to the empty passenger seat and, for just a moment, my throat fills with tears.

Why You Need to Keep Your Other Relationships Strong when Dealing with an Addicted Grown Child

Hi All~

So, it's another day in paradise. I hope everyone who reads this can see their personal silver lining. It's hard, I know, I'm right there, too. I don't know if I ever clarified this, but this blog is kind of more about my journey to recovery from my daughter's addiction. See, it's her addiction, but in many ways, it's my battle. Or, I should say, recovering from the effects that her addiction has had on my life is my battle. It's my husband's battle, and it's my youngest daughter's battle. It's my granddaughter's battle. She was born into it and has no idea she's even fighting it yet, but she will. And I plan to be around to guide her through it if she'll let me.

My Child's Addiction Might Be My Fault, But it's Probably Not

Hi Everyone, 

So, I've been thinking about this subject. My child's addiction, sure, but more to the point... Did I cause it? Did my parenting somehow damage my daughter to the point that she would need to constantly numb her damaged psyche and heart? Did I not tell her that I love her enough? Did I neglect her or make her feel like she was less than she truly is? Did my goofy ways somehow diminish her overall importance and self-esteem?

Thanks to: slodive.com

There have been so many nights that I've cried myself to sleep. I wondered if I could have hugged her a little harder or done something differently. I used to think if I could just go back to that little girl and show her more how important to me she was, it could have made all the difference.

I would lie awake and replay every moment we spent together. Looking, searching for something, anything that confirmed her accusations of my lacking parenting skills. Now, I have to say, I was 17 when she was born. I loved (still love - of course) her more than I had ever loved anyone. My sole purpose in life was to be her momma. I wasn't the best when it came to reading her books or educational things. But, she got a diverse musical education and had a vocabulary that impressed most grown-ups.

How do You Know Your Grown Child is Addicted?

Hi All~

Hope everyone is well. I've been trying to come up with some of the topics that drive me personally crazy about my daughter's addiction all the time. I figure if it gets me, you might be dealing with the same issues. So, today, I want to talk about how you know that your grown child is addicted.

One thing I learned the first time my daughter did a stint in Intensive Outpatient Rehab is that addiction, or "owning" an addiction is up to the addict themselves. So, like even though all the signs are right there screaming, "I'M HOOKED!" If your loved one doesn't admit an addiction, there might not be one.

Thanks Pinterest, but here's the link, too... Great site,
check it out!

It's really frustrating to many, and it drives me absolutely nuts. But, it's a reality of this condition. I'm going to call it a condition because addiction is out of the individual's control. As I said in my previous post, once it takes hold, it's there and you can't control it.

So, it raises the question: how do you know your grown child is addicted? Is there any clear cut way to move past the lies your kid is telling you and get to the truth of the matter? More to the point - does it really matter?

Let's Start at the Beginning: Understanding Addiction

My first post ever and I re-read it to find that it's pretty morbid. It's sad, and yes, that's life, but there's also a reality to having an addicted child or grown child that has nothing to do with heartaches and pain. It's the day-to-day reality of coping with the situation in a way that allows you and your whole family to continue to enjoy life no matter what your addicted child chooses to do.

Now, if you have a teen who is battling an addiction, it's a bit different. It's your responsibility to try and help him or her. But eventually, that teen grows up, and your responsibilities and what you're allowed or able to do become blurry.

Photo courtesy of Xojane.com... Check it out. Very informative!

Not only that, but many of us don't understand addiction. I know I didn't. At first, I honestly believed that my daughter was punishing me for something that I had done. Yes, maybe on some level she had issues with the way I raised her. She was 15 when we first started this battle, and she was mad that I had forced her into treatment, of course, I was going to be the whipping boy when it came to family therapy. But the reality is that we could have overcome our little problems in a much different way - but by focusing on these issues - she didn't have to deal with the deeper, more troubling problems that she had.

I Suspect My Child's Addicted to Heroin - What About Yours?

Hello to anyone who is reading this... 

I decided to start this blog because even though I have a tremendous support system, nobody really knows what it's like to watch your child slowly kill themselves. Not my parents, or my husband (he is her step-dad, a great one, but still a step), not my friends, or my sister. Nobody knows how it feels to see your child not only be high but get skinnier and skinnier. 

My daughter took this picture before she became addicted - when she was just a
normal girl, in a normal family...