My Child Says She's Getting Clean - Dare I Hope?

Hi All~

I hope you're all doing well. As always, I hope you're taking care of you and learning to cope with the negativity of your child's addiction. It's always a battle, it seems, and when life starts hitting a calm, it feels like things hit a fever pitch again. Exhausting is a word I often think of, emotional and burn-out are a few more.

Things in my world have been happening fast, so I think for the next few days, in an effort to share all of it without losing any of it, I'm going to try to post a lot. It's crazy, the way we lose all of the exact moments when we don't say anything about them for a while. I don't want to do that.

See, as I'm working on sharing all the effects of my grown child's addiction, I find that many of the issues I've had to deal with slip away. Simply, and I know you know what I mean, there have just been too many to count. There are too many issues. Too many problems.

So - here it is today - My daughter has been saying she's getting clean. Do I dare hope? Do I even dare to try and hold out for what may not happen? Do I cross the threshold into belief again and risk losing all of the progress I have made for myself? Here it is: her boyfriend/father of her child is in jail. I'm not sure for how long, but since she wanted to come back to stay with us, we - well actually my husband - laid down some ground rules. Like, that she had to get a job. And she had to be working on getting clean because we didn't have time to deal with all her addiction stuff. And that things had to be different this time.


I know, it seems harsh, right? I mentioned a couple of posts back that coping with the negativity of my child's addiction has really gotten me down lately. I said that my husband is really struggling in this area and that we may need to seek therapy for the two of us. Thankfully, in the true spirit of stubborn people, we have for now, managed to work through things. It turns out that a certain someone (I won't name names in case this someone ever manages to find this), has had a heavy hand in creating his negativity. This person likes to stick their nose where it doesn't belong, no matter how much they believe it does. They second-guess my husband's decisions and believe that I force him to do things he doesn't want to do. 

Let me be clear, we fight like hell sometimes, but I don't force anything. He makes his decisions based on what he feels. We love each other - very much. We work through, and are strong, and I believe happy, even though this person doesn't see it. I'm sorry for the sidebar, but this one has a point. The point is that since my daughter says she is getting clean, we're all kind of up in the air.

So, do we hope? Do we dare place anything on this transformation? Yeah, I think we do. I think for now we take each day as it comes. We take each moment for what it's worth. The good, the frustrating, the ingratiating, exhausting and trauma. We take all of these things and we keep moving. 

We support her endeavors, no matter what. We work to live healthy and happy and we reinvolve her. She is staying here, after all. So, for the moment, we hope. It's been relatively easy because we see a definite change this time, but you know, talk is cheap.

See, the thing is that we have to be able to hope. We have to be able to live fully each day, and then place a tiny seed of hope in the garden. Each day in anticipation of growing it, we water that seed. If it grows and survives, we celebrate. If not... Well, we plant a new seed. It just works like that. 

I hope that all of you have the opportunity to plant your seeds. I hope with all my heart that you are able to enjoy the reprieve it gives. I hope that when you do, you're emotionally strong, so that if it doesn't work, you don't give up. I hope that you have someone who loves you even though the battle you're going through with your addicted grown child is all-consuming. And mostly, I hope that you get to hear your child honestly say that he is getting clean. 

I hope when it's time, you're able to travel this road with your grown child, and I hope it brings you closer no matter what happens tomorrow.

I know it sounds cheesy, but I've discovered that this is your kid. If you're like me, you don't have the option of cutting her out of your life and your world. This is a person who you raised - or helped to raise. In my case, I bore her and loved her. I am simply still in love with her. I would rather have a relationship with her and ride her rollercoaster than lose her and ache for what I gave up. 

I know that this battle isn't over by a long shot. There are so many more things, which I'll talk about more tomorrow, but for tonight... I am grateful. My cup runneth over. So, be well friends. Take it easy if you can. And if your loved one tells you that she is getting clean, hang tight. Hold tough. Stay strong, but let a little ray of hope in. It will give you relief, even if it doesn't work out this time. Until next time, thank you for reading. Together, we can cope and still manage to live great lives ourselves.