What It's Really Like When Your Kid Relapses

Hey, Everyone ~

Like that little squiggly thing? Haha - I thought it looked kind of pretty and different! Okay, so. What's happening today? How's things? How is everyone? How's the self-discovery and liberation from your child's addiction today? I hope each day gets better, but I get setbacks... Boy, do I ever.

Sidenote: do I sound like a person desperate to be asked the question, "What's wrong?" Okay, you caught me. 

So, I'll just get right to it, then. Last night, my daughter said that she had a ride home from work. Now, I'm already leery of her "rides." I mean, come on. Her only friends are all junkies or they sell to junkies. What's not to be afraid of, right? But, in an effort to have faith in my child and her recovery, I was like, "Okay..." Pretty much that's it. Okay. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and knew that things weren't sounding so great, but what can you do, you know? She's grown.

Okay, now keep in mind that I had just posted yesterday's topic. I went on and on about how my daughter is doing well and staying clean. Oh right. Yep - super jerk. But, see here's the thing, I didn't know anything when she called. Only that I was suspicious. I'm a mom, after all.

The day went on. I did what I do... Worked, cleaned, did some laundry, hung out, nursed my stuffy nose... You know normal Sunday stuff.

When my daughter came home - a half hour later than it takes me to get her home - and rushed right up the stairs to the room that is not hers, and didn't even say hi to me as I was cleaning the bathroom that she refuses to clean, I felt iffy. When my youngest took my granddaughter up to see my oldest daughter and looked up and to the left when she told me that she didn't know if her sister was okay, I felt wonky.

Getting to the Bottom of My Stress - Is My Daughter's Addiction Really the Cause?

Hi Everyone!

So, I know I promised, promised more regular posts last time, and I really, really meant to, but if I'm honest with myself, this week was just kind of - complicated. Not bemoaning most of it by any stretch, but the schedules have been in a bit of an upheaval lately and I've been left feeling exhausted, and more than a little frustrated.

I'm hoping all of you out there have had a better - and calmer - week than I have because the stress of chaotic weeks can really take a toll on us. And I really hope that your child's addiction isn't bringing you down or frustrating you too much. I know it's hard, especially when she is grown and you feel like you're always having to take care of everything for her - oh wait! That's me!! - but things will get better. I promise. I know. They have to.

This brings me to today's post, though. I have been so totally stressed out lately, and I'm not really sure why. I mean, in a very real sense, even though I've had extra running to do and haven't had a moment to myself, mostly things are good (except that my husband got rear ended one night on the way to pick my oldest up from work - yes! Work!! - and his beautiful truck needs to go into the shop for repairs, but it's okay. He's okay and the damage is minor...), so why am I so stressed?

My Child Says She's Getting Clean - Dare I Hope?

Hi All~

I hope you're all doing well. As always, I hope you're taking care of you and learning to cope with the negativity of your child's addiction. It's always a battle, it seems, and when life starts hitting a calm, it feels like things hit a fever pitch again. Exhausting is a word I often think of, emotional and burn-out are a few more.

Things in my world have been happening fast, so I think for the next few days, in an effort to share all of it without losing any of it, I'm going to try to post a lot. It's crazy, the way we lose all of the exact moments when we don't say anything about them for a while. I don't want to do that.

See, as I'm working on sharing all the effects of my grown child's addiction, I find that many of the issues I've had to deal with slip away. Simply, and I know you know what I mean, there have just been too many to count. There are too many issues. Too many problems.

So - here it is today - My daughter has been saying she's getting clean. Do I dare hope? Do I even dare to try and hold out for what may not happen? Do I cross the threshold into belief again and risk losing all of the progress I have made for myself? Here it is: her boyfriend/father of her child is in jail. I'm not sure for how long, but since she wanted to come back to stay with us, we - well actually my husband - laid down some ground rules. Like, that she had to get a job. And she had to be working on getting clean because we didn't have time to deal with all her addiction stuff. And that things had to be different this time.

Why Do I Need to Grieve My Child Who is Still Living?

Hi All!

How's living with an addicted grown child going? Yeah, it's been a little exhausting for me, too. I know in my last post, I talked about how the negativity of living with a grown addicted child can really affect your life. So, you all probably know where I'm at with my personal struggles. The good news is, I'm not alone. I have an amazing support group - and I've had some time to grieve the loss of the person I used to know. So, I want that to be my topic for today: Why do I need to grieve my child who is still living?

Oh, I hear it, and I know where you're at with this one because I hung out this way for quite a while. I remember thinking: what? Why? Well, here's the thing: your grown addicted child will never be the same. When she decides to get clean, she will be a different person than the one you used to know and love.

Part of the reason my daughter's addiction hurt me so personally

Okay, so here's the thing: if you're like me, your grown child's addiction hurts you for a couple of reasons. It's not that your kid is so much doing things you don't agree with, it's that your child, as you knew them, no longer seems to exist. See, for me, my daughter was my constant. I knew she would grow up and fall in love, but I didn't think that our relationship would suffer such a tremendous shift.