So, with that, today I want to talk about something that lots of people ask: what are the signs of substance abuse? Why are they so ambiguous and what am I missing? It's common to doubt yourself and your intuition, but that often means you're missing out on what your child is showing you.
Commonly cited signs of substance abuse
Now, there are some signs of substance abuse that you can look for in your child. Often, they include the following:
- Change in friends
- Withdrawing from current friends and family
- Lack of interest in things that used to be enjoyable
- Weight loss or gain
- Inability to keep up with work, school and life
- Disappearing money, or inability to explain where money goes
- Change in personality or behaviors
- Mood swings
- Irritability
- Secretiveness
While these are just some of the signs of substance abuse, they tend to be the most common ones. Or, at least, that's what many of the most reputable websites will tell you. I did find that Drugfree.org has a really great comprehensive list. Check it out here.
I have to say, once I found this it was like a breath of fresh air! Finally, I thought, they have started talking about all the other crap and signs that substance abuse shows that nobody else seems to pay attention to.
Signs that I noticed with my kid
Okay, so as I said, I noticed a lot of things that aren't usually mentioned. People used to dismiss what I would say. They would chalk it up to being tired, or not feeling well. They would tell me that she seemed "fine." To which I would ask, "What, exactly, is fine?"
Here's what I saw - and see - when my grown child picks up her substance abuse habits again:
- She goes from short sleeves to long again. I know we all can guess why. Now, some people don't pull up their sleeves in the winter, but when it's 80 degrees outside and you're not pushing those puppies up, there's a reason.
- Her cheeks turn pink. I know it's weird, but both my daughter and her boyfriend start to get pink cheeks if they show up high on certain things. Now, other things make them look deathly pale. The point is, when they're using, their color is never quite right.
- Glassy eyes. We've talked about the fact that my daughter is addicted to heroin. So, I'm kind of getting to be an expert on what this drug does to her. Her eyes are the strangest things. Her pupils are small (ish), but there's a wet sheen over them. Under her eyes usually turns kind of reddish brown. Like when a person is really tired. Now, I haven't been able to determine if they use the "H" on top of maybe meth? God, I hope not. This is the point where I choke back tears from the reality and try to take a clinical approach... Bear with me. Anyway, the glassy eyes. Trust me, you'll know it if you see it.
- Talk of feeling out of control. In my daughter's case, and in the case of many kids who abuse or are addicted to substances, the feeling of being out of control is really strong. For my daughter, she expressed these feelings a couple of times. She said she would have dreams of being on a train that was out of control. I remember when she first told me, I told her that I thought maybe there were things she had going on that she needed to take a look at and try to get them under control or I would try to help her. Keep in mind we were coming off her first try at intensive outpatient rehab and they told me I had to trust her.
- These days she disappears. When she's on a bender, I don't hear from her unless it's to babysit, which I usually gladly do becasue I want to make sure my granddaughter is safe.
- Always sick in some way. She's either throwing up, coughing or battling a stuffy runny nose.
Of course, there are other signs, but I've learned to look at the big picture. Often, when she tells me that she's living clean and sober, she's actually using. I can tell, even before things get really haywire, I can tell.
The point is, this is your kid. You can look at the signs of substance abuse all day long, but it's essential that you remember that your child - even when grown - is an individual. He or she will react to substances differently than others do, and while many of the signs that you'll find online are good guideposts, you're really going to want to trust your instincts here.
I know it's hard, and I know that with time, you'll be able to tell when your kid is using or drinking again, just like I can. But, if you're in the beginning stages, it's so important to see if you can spot it, and maybe even stop it if you can.
Anyway, thank you so much for reading and spending time with me. Thank you for making me feel not so isolated and alone. I hope that you're coping with your child's addiction, and I hope that you're finding ways to be happy and enjoy life despite it. And, mostly, I hope you're well, and I hope it doesn't hurt too much.
Until next time, breathe and take care.
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