My Daughter's Addiction is Helping Me to Become a Better Person

Happy Friday Everyone! Yes, I know it's been 10 days. Sadly, I didn't win the ginormous Powerball Jackpot. I was busy dreaming about it, and then worrying because I honestly wouldn't know what to do with all that money. I think I would have to become a philanthropist or something. I'd be the weird lady just looking for people who were struggling so I could buy them groceries and clothes. No tax write-off, just the way I am.

So, good thing I didn't win, right? Haha. There's always next time. Anyway, onto other things. 

I want to talk about how my daughter's addiction is helping me to become a better person. Yes, I know, it's totally weird, but you might find this happening to you, too. It's a really weird transformation, but it's one that I almost welcomed because it's so hard to be all tightly wound and angry all the time. In my last post, I talked about Family therapy and what it was like for me, 

Personally, I prefer sunshine to rain - unless I'm lucky enough to take a long cozy nap - then rain is good. I like to smile. I prefer light to dark. I have a feeling my daughter's addiction takes her to some pretty dark places. The night is probably her friend, and maybe that's why I like the clean colors of light. Either way, I'm finding that I am truly becoming a better person in quite a few ways, and I largely attribute it my kid and her habits.

Wait - what?

Okay, bear with me. See, by now all of us know how tremendously hurtful having a grown addicted child can be. It's one of the hardest things you'll probably ever have to deal with. We all have all kinds of dreams of moments we will spend with our children as they grow. Weddings, or not, vacations, or not. Holidays, career changes, grandbabies maybe...

These, ultimately, are the things that we as parents, really live for. To see our children grow and become happy people. Maybe they'll be interesting. Maybe they'll be beautiful, hopefully, they still let us hug them and love on them. Hopefully, they still want to be around us.

I'm pretty sure that we've all felt the very distinct loss of our dreams when we began to realize that our kids have an issue that is not going to be easy to overcome. But, still, like the patient elephant mama waiting for her sick baby to catch up, we hope. We include our kids in things that matter. We hurt when we aren't thrilled about hugging our kids because of their smell, or when we take a good look at how sunken the eyes or ravaged the skin of our children is. Well, it hurts me. It makes me want to cry most of the time.

But, at some point, you begin to see past the actions. You start to look beyond the things they do and you start to see this child that you bore. You brought this person into the world. You raised him - or in my case, her - you wiped tears and noses. When your child needed clothing and food you provided. If you're like me, your child became so much more than just your child to you. They all do. They provide light, laughter, and love. 

So, eventually, no matter how hard you try, those memories begin to break through. they break through the tough walls you have built and they start to work their magic on you and how you feel about your addicted grown child. 

Or, at least, they did with me. So, now I'm here at this place where I see a young woman who needs her mom. She's a mom herself who, I'm certain, more than anything, wants something more for her precious daughter. It's kind of like my eyes, and my heart is opening and I'll tell you what, where I thought it would hurt - it feels pretty damn good!

So... How is this making you a better person?

Okay, so it goes like this... When you're busy hating your grown child for his addiction, you're also judging him. You're judging his friends, you're assuming that there are never any beautiful moments in his life, and you're wishing that any other person could be your kid. Well, here's a wake-up call: my very good friend has a daughter about the same age as my eldest. She always comes across so good. She goes to church, is engaged and almost done with school. She's totally in love and just so sweet. She dropped an "F" bomb today!!!!

So, not that I care, but I was floored! I thought she didn't say things like that! She's also talked about turning 21 and knocking back some moonshine! Here's the thing - she's a normal girl her age! So, why can't my daughter be a normal girl, too? Why can't she still have good and beauty to her?

Okay, yes, I get that my daughter is addicted to heroin. But, that's not all there is to her. My point? My daughter's addiction is helping me to become a better person because I have stopped looking at the surface of addiction. I have stopped deciding if I want to read those books based on how they look. I have stopped judging. 

Instead, I always remember that I don't know what a person is going through. I remind myself and everyone around me that it's a tough road to overcome addiction, and most people are pretty ashamed of the things they did while they were using or drinking. And, my personal favorite, I remind others that the parents of addicts are not bad. 

In fact, my daughter's addiction has caused me to see a slew of things differently. Starting with me, and my perception of things. Here's one, how many of us have a friend that is battling an addiction? You might be surprised to find that the number is much higher than you think. You just don't know it.

So, this is my thought for today: Since you can't always see good things when you look at your grown addicted child, try this. Look at him and see the child he was. Yes, it will hurt. Now, think of a "good" kid that you know. How much alike are they really? Now, take note of how you've changed your thinking since you discovered that your grown child struggles with an addiction. Now ask yourself why you haven't walked away yet.

It doesn't make things better, but it will help you to understand your struggle - and your journey. It will also help you to see that without speaking out about the reality of addiction, and the true effects of it on our loved ones, we cannot fight it. I aim to fight it if I can.

I know, it sometimes feels like all I do is blow buttercups and rainbows up your butts, and maybe that's not a good thing, but I believe that it is possible to live a good life, even when you're struggling with your grown child's addiction. I believe that you can overcome a lot of the angst that this situation can cause, and still find some kind of happiness. If not, at least I know that I'm not alone in wanting it...

Until next time, stay warm, stick to your resolutions, and try to enjoy life a little. Thank you for reading and walking with me, and take care!