Lots of stuff going on here lately. Not all bad - in fact - some pretty good, but some other things, eh, kind of so-so. Last post, I talked about what would happen if my addicted daughter would die tomorrow. It was depressing, I know. I actually cried while I wrote it. And then, surprisingly, I felt somehow cleansed for a while.
So, I started thinking, like writing this blog is helping me. It's giving me the power to see that there is so much more to my life than my daughter's addiction. Yes, my daughter's heroin addiction is a huge part of my life. It makes me ache deep in my heart. Mama's and daddy's, I know you know what I'm talking about.
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| Just a lovely picture of a sunset enjoyed on vacation. I'm going to start including images :) I'm not a good photographer, but I'm going to share the ones I come across. |
But, there's more to the world than this. I mean, the truth is, when our kids leave the nest, we aren't supposed to be so involved in their lives that we stop ours. They are supposed to be people that we enjoy, we love, and spend our most precious moments with. So, here's the thing: I do this. All of it.
Anyway, so I started thinking - knowing that I have just a few people walking this road with me helps me so, so much. But, what am I doing for you? You keep coming back hoping for a cure, I know. I can't offer that, but I can provide you with some tips.
I can tell you the top 10 things I do when I'm really struggling to cope with my daughter's addiction, and maybe, they can help you, too. So, are you ready? Here goes:
#1: Have a good cry. Seriously. Don't hold it in. Even if you need to head to the bathroom for a few minutes, do it. As soon as you can. It helps so much. Sometimes, when we hurt, holding those tears in can make us more miserable. When you let yourself cry, you're letting those aches out.
#2: Connect with your immedate other family. Okay, yes, your addicted child is a challenge, but if you're like me, you have other people who are affected and live with you. Connect. Remember that they are coping with your child's addiction, too. Talk about it, or not, depending on the need. One of my favorite things to do after an especially trying encounter with my oldest is to hug my husband or my youngest daughter. The physical contact grounds me and brings me back to the now.
#3: Hug your addicted child. Weird, right? Well, when we're not touching our grown children, it's easy to lose that very important connection with them. You're trying to heal through this situation, not separate yourself from your child. Give her a hug. Let him know that no matter what - he is still, and always will be, your baby.
#4: Daydream. I know, my dad would say I'm taking the "ostrich approach" here, but it really helps so much. Dream of taking that vacation. Dream of living in that dream house. Dream and dream often. Surprisingly, there is even some research that suggests that it actually does help to make people happier.
#5: Take steps to improve your life. Okay, not your addicted child's life, but your life. Maybe it's going back to school. Maybe you want to get a promotion - a new job - or even start getting healthy. It's time. So, do it. Don't be afraid and don't wait until things "get better," because they might not. Until you make them.
#6: Speaking of working out, give it a try. Yes, I do this one. I do it as often as I can - you know when I'm not so sore I walk like I'm 90! Seriously. Here's how I see it. I can't control much, but I can control how strong, I am, how fit I feel, and - well - how I look in my bikini.
#7: Don't forget to relax. You need time for you. Sometimes, things get pretty heavy when one of your children battles a very serious addiction. Sometimes, you need to shut it down and not think. I've been in this place more than a few times, and I can tell you that relaxing is tough. Yoga is great for this. Plus, it helps to remove a lot of the tension your shoulders are hanging onto. Or, try meditating. You don't have to focus on anything. You don't have to go to some other higher plane, you just clear your mind. Remind yourself that you don't have to save the world, and clear your mind again.
#8: If you have a special someone, give, and receive love. Alright, I know this is a family program, and I don't want to get all into things that shouldn't be read, but this is so important. When you have that one relationship, you want to make sure that you're maintaining it. It's tough when you're always at odds because of your child's addiction. Believe me, my addicted daughter has done more than her share to chink away the mortar of my relationship. Don't let it. Stay connected - and we all know the best way to do this.
#9: Set boundaries. Yes, this one's tough. It's the last thing you want to do, but it will keep you sane. Set boundaries with your addicted child and make sure your whole family is on board. Stick to them, because it's protecting you from the very things that can rip your heart out. Like giving your hard earned money to your kid so he can buy drugs. Or paying rent because you know your child has been doing anything but working.
#10: Find reasons to be grateful. Yeah, I saved the toughest for last. It's also the most essential one. Hey, I get it, I'm right here too. But if you can't see the good in front of your face, you're not going to enjoy life now, or when your grown addicted child decides to seek help. You have to find a way to enjoy your life because your grown child isn't worrying about whether she's hurting you most of the time. There is more to you, and more to your life than the decisions that your grown child makes.
Okay, so, this list is my top 10 things that have helped me to cope with my daughter's addiction. I hope it helps, I really do. I know that addictions affect so many people, and it can damage parents on such a basic level, but it doesn't have to. You don't have to spend your life trying to fix everything that isn't yours to fix. Sometimes, just being there, and being healthy, is more than enough.
Thank you for reading everyone! Until next time, be healthy, and happy. Remember, there is a beautiful world out there.
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